What a Week
I have had a horrible case of the Blues. Maybe not as bad as other people's, but for me, this bout was pretty severe.
And you know me, I try to hot-dog it without meds. I'm big, I'm strong, I'm woman hear me ro... er, squeek?
I'm not quite through the rough patch, but I've had a bit of a respite today. I'll take it. Baby steps.
To make matters worse, the one thing that I love, I haven't even been able to enjoy. The one thing I know that will pull me out of a funk and give my life meaning has been a HUGE, H U G E pain the UNproverbial ass this week.
I'd forgotten how aggressive and combatant one of the actors is and they're making life miserable.
Of course, I'm letting them -- which I beat myself up for -- but that's how I handle aggression, I internalize it.
Most times, I eat. I've been pretty good about that this time out. Not perfect, but I'm trying.
I mean, come on. They grabbed my script, ripped it out of my hand and told me "I" was wrong. That's pretty severe.
For the record... I wasn't wrong. But faced with a situation like that -- if it were ANYONE BUT me? I'd jump in, an verbally give the perpatrator a tongue lashing they wouldn't soon forget.
Me? Left to my own devices, I shut down, don't say a word because I don't want to 'live up' to the reputation that usually preceeds me -- that I'm difficult to work with and am a DIVA.
In the end, it worked out. The Director corrected the mis-informed actor and we went on... without an apology, of course.
While I know it's NOT personal, this person treats ALL the other actors/crew/production staff the same, for the most part, it's unacceptable behavior and we shouldn't have to put up with it. Period.
So last night, I didn't GO to rehearsal. Because I just didn't want to... and I was okay with that, for now. Maybe in a few days, I'll feel better and can return without personalizing further incidents. 'Cause there will me more incidents.
You know -- when it rains, it pours -- or snows!
And today? I got surprise gifts from two people who mean the most to me!
Thank the Theater God for small miracles :)
Updated: 1/5/07
