Weightlessness
I thought I'd pop in one more time today. I'm very proud of myself for starting this journal. This place where I can actually BE myself and not worry about what I say or who hears or why I'm the way I am. I only know that I want to change.
And change I will.
I didn't eat the best that I could today. I woke up too late for that, because I didn't go to bed until late last night.
Sometimes the depression I feel comes and takes over my whole life, immobilizing me.
It begins as one thought, one semi-rational thought and spirals out of control.
My Dad has been on my mind lately. Okay, lots.
I think about him poking his fingers for the blood tests several times per day. Just like I poke mine. He did them for nearly 30 years. I've been doing them for nearly 2 months.
Sometimes, I don't even remember which fingers I've poked. I always try to rotate hands/fingers. There are times that my forgetfulness makes that impossible. I look for the marks. Sometimes they're there, sometimes not. I wonder why sometimes hardly any blood comes out. Other times, it won't stop right away.
I ate healthy today. I didn't exercise. I should have. I did not. My bad.
Tomorrow is another day to dive into the pool of weightlessness.
Make healthy choices.
Updated: 1/5/07
