Cast

Me: 43 44 45. Simple woman. Living alone with Mom. For the most part, loving/hating my life. Struggling with weight issues which have included a lifetime of various and sundry problems.

Mom: Grew up w/an abusive father. Verbally abusive to my brother and me.

Dad: Recently Deceased in 1/2004 due to complications with years of struggle with Diabetes.

Bro: Also extremely overweight. Is on the list to get Gastric By-Pass surgery Had lapband 7/7/05 -- currently has lost 89 lbs as of 10/7/05 175 lbs. But, is delayed by unknown reasons. His failure to commit. Knows it will change his life. Isn't sure that's ever going to happen.

Man: Asshole Friend/Lover/Inspiration

I can't ever think of a time when I wasn't fat.

I mean,let's not mince words here, this is NOT the time to be Politically Correct about this sort of thing. I want to keep it honest and say what's truly on my mind.

Fat is Fat is Fat.

My Dad never seemed to care, he always loved me. Even as a 2 year old I have pictures of me in a bikini. I still look the same. Fat legs, big belly... the only difference is I've gotten taller and filled out the top with boobs.

My Mother on the other hand was completely different. She would tell me I had a beautiful face. The rest she would leave blank. I think I walked around believing that she thought I only had a beautiful head. Only my head mattered, not my body.

For as much as she hated my body, she undermined me with fatty, starchy, caloric foods from day one.

I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself, but rather, state it, face it and deal with it.

I thought I had, but, I can tell you, I haven't. I've skirted around the issue all my life. I can't skirt anymore. I can fight it, or I can die from the consequences. Right now, today, the choice is mine.

Updated: 1/5/07